Meh.
This wasn't a bad "song" but it definitely was not an interesting story. I've heard it all before. However, I do applaud you for using the word convoluted. I can't really give you too much feedback, because I just didn't like it. It was too familiar.
I appreciate the review, man. I knew going in that my story wasn't very original, but if I make a part two, I'll try and make it a little less cliche. I just like splodey sound effects.
Kershploop.
I am me. And more than likely I don't like you.
Age 45, Male
Student
UNLV
Las Vegas, NV
Joined on 7/20/04
Judgement: Part 1 