This wasn't a bad "song" but it definitely was not an interesting story. I've heard it all before. However, I do applaud you for using the word convoluted. I can't really give you too much feedback, because I just didn't like it. It was too familiar.
I appreciate the review, man. I knew going in that my story wasn't very original, but if I make a part two, I'll try and make it a little less cliche. I just like splodey sound effects.
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